So here is a list of things that I want for my birthday:
DONATIONS!! But not to me...
Instead of buying me a gift use that money to help others.
These are the two organizations that I want my birthday wishes/donations to go to:
1) The Apparent Project:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/ApParent-Project/226978225284 (Facebook page)
https://www.causes.com/causes/335464-the-apparent-project-the-arts-advovating-for-the-poor (Facebook cause page. ^You can so make a doantion here^)
http://www.apparentproject.org/ (This is their website. You can also donate here OR you can buy a awesome piece of jewlery that is hand made in Haiti by the artisans that they employ!)
2) God's Plumbline Ministries:
http://godsplumblineministries.blogspot.com/ (this is their blog that you can follow or find out more information about them)
http://www.causes.com/causes/99725-god-s-plumbline-ministries (this is their facebook cause page and you can so make a doantion here!)
3) Haitian Creations: Created by Heartline Ministries Haiti (https://www.facebook.com/HeartlineHaiti) and God's Plumbline Ministries.
http://www.haitiancreations.com/ (you can get an awesome shirt, purse or some jewlery!)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Newton's Law of Motion
Life is what you make it.
No one is going to make it something for you.
You continue to make your life as you age.
As you grow.
As you change.
You can not expect it to make itself.
It is an inanimate object.
When an object is in motion it stays in motion.
Unless acted upon by a force.
When an object is at rest it stays at rest.
Unless acted upon by a force.
Life is an object that needs a force to act upon it.
In your life you are that force.
You cause the standstill.
You cause the movement.
Life is what you make it.
No one is going to make it something for you.
You continue to make your life as you age.
As you grow.
As you change.
You can not expect it to make itself.
It is an inanimate object.
When an object is in motion it stays in motion.
Unless acted upon by a force.
When an object is at rest it stays at rest.
Unless acted upon by a force.
Life is an object that needs a force to act upon it.
In your life you are that force.
You cause the standstill.
You cause the movement.
Life is what you make it.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Revisting
Weneda is a girl that most people probably wouldn't think twice about. If you remember, I wrote a blog about her back in late June while I was in Haii. I said that by looking at her you would think that she has been through a lot. But you don't have to think about it to know its the truth. You know instantly the minute those dim, dull eyes look into yours that something is wrong. I have always thought that the eyes are really the widows to the soul and when you lock eyes with Weneda, it is as if she can see your soul but you can not see hers. There is nothing in her eyes.
I have thought about her every so often since I left Haiti in July. I think about her and pray for her all the time lately. If you know me very few people's emotional states effect me on a deep, deep level. Not to say that I am not empathetic but I just don't really let other people's "junk" weigh me down. I realized the other day that she had got to me on that deep, deep emotional level and those eyes have been haunting my sleep. I have been thinking about her for the last few days and like many of my thought trains, it began with something odd...a flip-flop. My favorite flip-flops are the leather ones from American Eagle. Nothing fancy. I always have a pair and they never leave my feet during the summer. The pair I had when I arrived in Haiti had probably been my favorite (next to the ones that are the header of my blog and the feature of the blog titled "Well Worn". I wore those until they broke and then some. I think that I still have them and they are surprisingly still wearable, I just can't find them.) Anyway I am getting away from my point. If you go look at "Well Worn" you will see that I have written on the sandals. They are bible verses. I am notorious for this. I write them on my shoes as a reminder to "walk them out" if my life. Its a corny joke that I made one time but its something that stuck with me. On the broken ones as well as the pair that I brought to Haiti with me, I wrote Luke 7:47...
"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
...which is something that has stuck with me since the first time I read it. It is in the story of the prostitute that washed Jesus' feet. I love that story. The verse reminds me to forgive peopleand love people. No matter what. So I wrote it on my shoes as a reminder.
While I was in Haiti this last time, I was challenged, daily, by this verse. Many things I had to forgive and many people I had to love, regardless. Which is harder than it sounds.
There are many things that I could say about Weneda and some of them I believe I have already told you. One thing I am sure that I didn't say was that she has been raped, many times. There are court cases pending...well, that is what is being said anyway. And its not like its not common knowledge, her mom lets everyone know. As hard as her life is already, I can't imagine what it is like knowing that EVERYONE knows your personal business.
As I said earlier, I wrote Luke 7:47 on my sandals before I left for Haiti. Some of you are probably aware that I did not return to the states with these sandals. I gave them to Weneda. So as I found myself staring at my flip-flops the other day, I remembered that I had wrote that on there.
I have been rolling the thought around in my head that, that verse also applies to her life as well as mine but in a radically different way. It took me at least two days to wrap my head around how and I am still not sure that I really get it. Whether I get it or not, this is the verse that comes to mind when I think about her. In her life she is going to have to learn to forgive many and love much.
"You are so good to me, You heal my broken heart, You are my father in heaven"
I have thought about her every so often since I left Haiti in July. I think about her and pray for her all the time lately. If you know me very few people's emotional states effect me on a deep, deep level. Not to say that I am not empathetic but I just don't really let other people's "junk" weigh me down. I realized the other day that she had got to me on that deep, deep emotional level and those eyes have been haunting my sleep. I have been thinking about her for the last few days and like many of my thought trains, it began with something odd...a flip-flop. My favorite flip-flops are the leather ones from American Eagle. Nothing fancy. I always have a pair and they never leave my feet during the summer. The pair I had when I arrived in Haiti had probably been my favorite (next to the ones that are the header of my blog and the feature of the blog titled "Well Worn". I wore those until they broke and then some. I think that I still have them and they are surprisingly still wearable, I just can't find them.) Anyway I am getting away from my point. If you go look at "Well Worn" you will see that I have written on the sandals. They are bible verses. I am notorious for this. I write them on my shoes as a reminder to "walk them out" if my life. Its a corny joke that I made one time but its something that stuck with me. On the broken ones as well as the pair that I brought to Haiti with me, I wrote Luke 7:47...
"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
...which is something that has stuck with me since the first time I read it. It is in the story of the prostitute that washed Jesus' feet. I love that story. The verse reminds me to forgive peopleand love people. No matter what. So I wrote it on my shoes as a reminder.
While I was in Haiti this last time, I was challenged, daily, by this verse. Many things I had to forgive and many people I had to love, regardless. Which is harder than it sounds.
There are many things that I could say about Weneda and some of them I believe I have already told you. One thing I am sure that I didn't say was that she has been raped, many times. There are court cases pending...well, that is what is being said anyway. And its not like its not common knowledge, her mom lets everyone know. As hard as her life is already, I can't imagine what it is like knowing that EVERYONE knows your personal business.
As I said earlier, I wrote Luke 7:47 on my sandals before I left for Haiti. Some of you are probably aware that I did not return to the states with these sandals. I gave them to Weneda. So as I found myself staring at my flip-flops the other day, I remembered that I had wrote that on there.
I have been rolling the thought around in my head that, that verse also applies to her life as well as mine but in a radically different way. It took me at least two days to wrap my head around how and I am still not sure that I really get it. Whether I get it or not, this is the verse that comes to mind when I think about her. In her life she is going to have to learn to forgive many and love much.
"You are so good to me, You heal my broken heart, You are my father in heaven"
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thoughts about the Unexplainable
When you go to Haiti, there is an underlying dynamic that you feel. You can not see it and you don't realize that it has even touched you until you have settled back in to what you think is normal. This dynamic is completely emotional. It is what pulls at your heart strings. When you are in Haiti there is no such thing as down time so it is able to sneak in, in the exhaustion that you feel and it goes unchecked. It is in conversations that you have and the people that you see. I believe that it is even in the air and in the rain. It is not something that we have here in the states. We have an underlying dynamic that is never mentioned but it is also never felt. Haiti is a place that makes you feel things and if you are not careful and even if you are, it brings out the ugly in you. This dynamic makes you feel all the things that, here in the states, we refuse to feel, see all the things that we refuse to see and to hear all the things that we refuse to hear. I think that it might stem from the heightened sense of awareness that you have while you are in Haiti. No distractions. It is also something that I can not explain and in any serious attempt, I would fail miserably unless I was talking to someone who has been to Haiti and felt what I am talking about. Not to say that you couldn't understand...it is just unexplainable.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
aesthetics
"Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
Were hiding behind a skin that's too tough"
Haiti is a beautiful place if you know how to look at it.
You have to be able to see past the the trash and the rubble.
Smell past the garbage and the rot.
Feel past the rocks in your shoes and your own discomfort.
You need to able to feel the music and the voices.
Smell the food and the trees in the air.
You have to be able to see the colors and the people.
All of these things are wholly Haiti.
Even the garbage.
Yet to get caught up in the way it smells and your discomfort, would be a mistake.
You would miss a rich and colorful people with a rich and colorful culture and history.
You would miss a people who are stronger than any that you have ever met.
You wouldn't see those things about them.
You wouldn't be able to talk to them.
Understand them.
Understand that they feel very deeply and how you can hear that in their loud and boisterous conversations that sound like arguments.
You would not see the blue of the sky or the white of the moon.
Yes, it would be a mistake to get caught up in aesthetics when this place has so much more to offer than a look.
"Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
Were hiding behind a skin that's too tough"
Haiti is a beautiful place if you know how to look at it.
You have to be able to see past the the trash and the rubble.
Smell past the garbage and the rot.
Feel past the rocks in your shoes and your own discomfort.
You need to able to feel the music and the voices.
Smell the food and the trees in the air.
You have to be able to see the colors and the people.
All of these things are wholly Haiti.
Even the garbage.
Yet to get caught up in the way it smells and your discomfort, would be a mistake.
You would miss a rich and colorful people with a rich and colorful culture and history.
You would miss a people who are stronger than any that you have ever met.
You wouldn't see those things about them.
You wouldn't be able to talk to them.
Understand them.
Understand that they feel very deeply and how you can hear that in their loud and boisterous conversations that sound like arguments.
You would not see the blue of the sky or the white of the moon.
Yes, it would be a mistake to get caught up in aesthetics when this place has so much more to offer than a look.
"Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
English Camp Day 2 aka Weneda
By looking at her you would think that she has been through a lot. You would probably be right in that assumption. She is only about 15 years old and she has epilepsy. Her name is Weneda. She is beautiful and scared. Her face leaves a haunting reminder of what can happen here when things go unchecked. Her mother has said in the past that she has had a seizure and fallen into the fire and that is how she has gained the scars that are on her face and arms. But you know that there is more to that story than will ever be told.
The above picture was taken minutes after she had a seizure today at English Camp. It was as unexpected as the sight of a cat in Haiti and no one saw it coming because none of us knew. No one had been told that she had epilepsy. I knew who her mother was and that she had a daughter with epilepsy but I never made the connection that it was her. None of us that know her mother did.
During her classes bible lesson today she just stopped moving. The other kids began to tell us that she was sick and no one knew what was going on. I looked at her and immediately knew that she was having a seizure. I had seen it happen before and it scared me. All of the kids flew off the bench like it had just been lit on fire. They said they didn't want to get her sickness. After she came back to us we, you could see it on her face that she was afraid. She didn't know what had happened. We tried to move her and she clung to the bench. We finally conveyed to her what we were doing and what had happened and she allowed us to move her. We tried to figure out what was going on with her and all of this. We asked her if she was on medication or had any for her seizures. She said that she had lost her prescription. Well...then later today we talked to her again and she said that she had her prescription and would bring it tomorrow because they can't get it around here.
After the seizure today, it hurt my heart to see the way the kids treated her. No one wanted to sit back down on the bench with her. They didn't want her sickness. All of us that were in the room told the kids that they had to sit down. It actually fit right in with the lesson that Amrajeet had been talking about. The love of Jesus.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Power of a Shoe
So I am pro shoes. I love to wear all kinds and when I heard about Tom's, I was all for that. One for one. Buy one pair and they give one away to someone else when they do a shoe drop. But I never realized the gravity of the statement "One for One" until today.
During camp as I was walking around and talking to the kids, I saw shoes that looked familiar. I looked at them, and looked at them but couldn't place them. Until I saw the little blue and white flag on the back of them. At once there was this overwhelming sense of joy in me as I realized at once that they were shoe drop shoes. I had never seen them before and I was thrilled that they had come here and handed out shoes. I was thought that this is what it looks like when this mission comes full circle. A little girl in earthquake devastated Haiti wearing the same shoes that I have on my own feet at that very moment.
It was a moment to keep in my heart place.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Feilds Are Blue and Gray
I can honestly say that I never imagined that seeing the tent cities would be so emotional. As we were driving to the beach yesterday we saw many. Some were in the city, near civilization. Those were not the ones that I found to be so heartbreaking. It was the ones that I saw when we got past all the cars and all the buildings. The ones on the beach road. We stopped at a gas station and I have to say that I wouldn't have seen them if I hadn't been on top of the cage truck. I seemed to have the perfect view of them from where I sat.
They were shocking. Sitting there gleaming in the sun, dots of blue and gray. Somehow they were horrifying. You looked at them and knew that they had moved out here. Knowing that the nearest town is several miles in either direction was part of the horrifying feeling the gripped me. I began to cry. Those people left all they had left behind and moved out of the city, where buildings could fall on them, to a place that seemed to be the middle of nowhere.
My heart began to hurt as we pulled away from the gas station and I could see just how far the blue and gray dots went. So many people displaced. Forced from their home, if they even had one left to begin with. I wanted to stop and talk to these people. To ask them why they had really moved so far and to see how far they had come to be right here. I wondered if any had come form down town knowing, that it would be safer out here with no unstable building for miles.
What hurt the most was that, on the way back form the beach it was raining or threatening to...it wasn't, isn't, fair. I felt bad that I got to go sleep with a solid roof over my head and a soft bed under my back and all they had was the tent or plastic tarp to sleep under and maybe nothing to sleep on. To think about the fact that there is nothing I can do hurts my head. Makes my heart cry and my eyes weep.
Then as we were driving and it began to rain, the Lord reminded me of the song that I always find to be stuck in my head when I am in Haiti. Here are the words that came to me:
You are my strong melody
You are my dancing rhythm
You are my perfect rhyme
And I want to sing forever
That you are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And you will sing again
I began to cry once again. Knowing that it is going to get worse before anything gets better. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to fix the houses. Know that soon He will erase the dots of blue and gray and Haiti will sing again.
They were shocking. Sitting there gleaming in the sun, dots of blue and gray. Somehow they were horrifying. You looked at them and knew that they had moved out here. Knowing that the nearest town is several miles in either direction was part of the horrifying feeling the gripped me. I began to cry. Those people left all they had left behind and moved out of the city, where buildings could fall on them, to a place that seemed to be the middle of nowhere.
My heart began to hurt as we pulled away from the gas station and I could see just how far the blue and gray dots went. So many people displaced. Forced from their home, if they even had one left to begin with. I wanted to stop and talk to these people. To ask them why they had really moved so far and to see how far they had come to be right here. I wondered if any had come form down town knowing, that it would be safer out here with no unstable building for miles.
What hurt the most was that, on the way back form the beach it was raining or threatening to...it wasn't, isn't, fair. I felt bad that I got to go sleep with a solid roof over my head and a soft bed under my back and all they had was the tent or plastic tarp to sleep under and maybe nothing to sleep on. To think about the fact that there is nothing I can do hurts my head. Makes my heart cry and my eyes weep.
Then as we were driving and it began to rain, the Lord reminded me of the song that I always find to be stuck in my head when I am in Haiti. Here are the words that came to me:
You are my strong melody
You are my dancing rhythm
You are my perfect rhyme
And I want to sing forever
That you are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And you will sing again
I began to cry once again. Knowing that it is going to get worse before anything gets better. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to fix the houses. Know that soon He will erase the dots of blue and gray and Haiti will sing again.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Business as Usual
Grace and I made it safely to Haiti. Just to update everyone. We are safe and sound at the Tlucek's house. And got to sleep on the balcony with an amazing breeze and very little bugs...yeah thats right be jealous.
But on a serious not as I was getting in the car after our escapades inside the "little airport" (which is really a little room with a baggage conveyor belt and lots of people...), people were still standing outside trying to get you take take their taxi, which is obviously the best one to take...and there are still people hanging off the fence asking you for money. The thought that kept coming to me was "Business as Usual". There has been this horrible event that took place and when you look at the people, it seems as though nothing has happened. They are just here doing business as usual.
But on a serious not as I was getting in the car after our escapades inside the "little airport" (which is really a little room with a baggage conveyor belt and lots of people...), people were still standing outside trying to get you take take their taxi, which is obviously the best one to take...and there are still people hanging off the fence asking you for money. The thought that kept coming to me was "Business as Usual". There has been this horrible event that took place and when you look at the people, it seems as though nothing has happened. They are just here doing business as usual.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Blurb is the word
So just a quick little blurb.
If you don't already know I am leaving for Haiti on Friday. I am going to be gone for 10 days and will be working with Byron and Shelley Tlucek doing English Camp. I am also bringing in fabric for the sewing program and will be working with Heartline Ministries (who also oversees English Camp...) bringing in supplies such as birthing kits, for their full time clinic/birthing center that they are hard at work setting up. I know? Awesome right? So I will be doing all of that and who knows what else.
Oh and for any one that cares...I get to spend from, roughly, 10:30 am to 4:00 pm in the Miami airport...I know you can just see me leaping for joy. This is the time that people watching will be in full swing...pictures to come be looking.
Word.
If you don't already know I am leaving for Haiti on Friday. I am going to be gone for 10 days and will be working with Byron and Shelley Tlucek doing English Camp. I am also bringing in fabric for the sewing program and will be working with Heartline Ministries (who also oversees English Camp...) bringing in supplies such as birthing kits, for their full time clinic/birthing center that they are hard at work setting up. I know? Awesome right? So I will be doing all of that and who knows what else.
Oh and for any one that cares...I get to spend from, roughly, 10:30 am to 4:00 pm in the Miami airport...I know you can just see me leaping for joy. This is the time that people watching will be in full swing...pictures to come be looking.
Word.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Remembering Sarah
This is an old video that I made a few years ago. I watched it today and balled my eyes out.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Haiti 2010
So I have a plane ticket. Leaving June 25th, 2010. Coming back July 6th, 2010.
It is kinda leaving a bittersweet taste in my mouth. It has been two years since I have been to Haiti. I was there for English Camp. I am going for English Camp this year as well. I wish that I could say that it was going to be the same as the past years. 60 kids in 60 kids out, for six weeks (I am only going for the first week this time) and done. It is crazy enough as it is that way. This year there are a few new factors. Haiti is still having aftershocks. They just hadanother earthquake not to long ago. So the ground is still shaking. Shifting. Changing. So English camp has to change. I am pretty sure that means the workers have to change and not expect what has been before.
So I will be in Haiti for 11 days. Pray for me. Keep me in your thoughts.
Lamou Vire Tet.
Luke 7:47
Alyssa
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Untitled
Today was a day that I began.
I am not sure that I will finish it.
It has become hard to live in that twenty four hour period, between sun up and sun down, in the spaces that we call day and night on this wretched planet.
Its dangerous not to mention lonely.
Where have you been? I have needed you.
The space of the night is when I feel real fear.
Thats when I feel real terror, that no man can calm.
Where have you been? I have needed you.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thoghts: Heading to the Frozen North
So as I sit here packing to go to Minnesota, I decided that I should check the weather so I can pack accordingly...its not like I have warm clothes, on the off chance that it will be cold, anyway. I guess it doesn't matter if it is cold or not if you know me well you know that if the weather gets under 70 degrees, I am going to need a jacket and if I don't happen I am going to freeze (think about that next time...bring an extra jacket for Alyssa...just a thought...haha). Anyway so I am looking at the weather...and this is what it looks like when I get up there:
Wednesday: High- 72 (not bad ) Low-56 (I am going to freeze to death)
Thursday: High- 74 (eh... ) Low-57 (I can thaw in the morning I suppose) and rain (we all know how much I love the rain...I prefer the sun...)
Friday:High- 79 (Almost 80 hooray! ) Low-60 (oh oh getting warmer) and rain (really...?)
Off to Canby!
Saturday:High- 79 (again almost 80!) Low-58 (I am going to freeze to death) and rain (ugh!)
Sunday:High- 78 (I <3 warm weather ) Low-56 (I am going to freeze to death)
Monday:High- 79 (can it not just be 80? ) Low-57 (I am going to freeze to death)
Back to Minneapolis!
Tuesday:High- 77 (again eh... ) Low-59 (this does not count since I will be back in ATL where it will be 69 degrees!)
I just thought you all would like to know how that the weather report for somewhere you are not going to be and someplace that you have never heard of...haha
Wednesday: High- 72 (not bad ) Low-56 (I am going to freeze to death)
Thursday: High- 74 (eh... ) Low-57 (I can thaw in the morning I suppose) and rain (we all know how much I love the rain...I prefer the sun...)
Friday:High- 79 (Almost 80 hooray! ) Low-60 (oh oh getting warmer) and rain (really...?)
Off to Canby!
Saturday:High- 79 (again almost 80!) Low-58 (I am going to freeze to death) and rain (ugh!)
Sunday:High- 78 (I <3 warm weather ) Low-56 (I am going to freeze to death)
Monday:High- 79 (can it not just be 80? ) Low-57 (I am going to freeze to death)
Back to Minneapolis!
Tuesday:High- 77 (again eh... ) Low-59 (this does not count since I will be back in ATL where it will be 69 degrees!)
I just thought you all would like to know how that the weather report for somewhere you are not going to be and someplace that you have never heard of...haha
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
God = Mufasa? And Rafiki = the Holy Spirit?
So if you haven't figured it out yet, I can find God in anything. Random movies that you would never think of, any sort of music and well of course Veggie Tales. Did you ever think that God was all in The Lion King? I was watching that movie tonight while I was baby sitting and noticed a lot of things that reminded me of God/Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have decided that Mufasa is God/Jesus and that Rafiki is the Holy Spirit and Scar is the Devil and Simba represents the people in the world. By this point you think I am crazy right? But really look, Mufasa dies/gives his life to save Simba. Scar makes Simba think that it is his fault that his father died when really Scar killed him. Then Simba runs away and Scar assumes his throne. He meets Timon and Pumba who, no matter how great they are, tell him that whatever happened in the past doesn't matter and that there is nothing he can do about it and keep him in the world living the great life. The Nala comes and finds him on "accident" and tells him what he has been going on. She tries to open his eyes and show him what is going on but he refuses to see the truth. Then him and Nala get in a fight and she gives up. Then he goes out into a field and begins to yell at the Mufasa for leaving him behind and forgetting him. Then he meets Rafiki. For this example I have a video. 2 actually.
So even though Simba calls him a creepy little monkey, he makes a valid point..."The past can hurt but, you either run from it or learn from it."
So that is my daily bible lesson using The Lion King to explain how God/Jesus loves us so much that he would do anything to protect us, he would even die for us. Then He has given us the Holy Spirit to help us and to show us things, to open our eyes and see what is right.
There you go. I hope that I have enriched your life. Maybe the next time you watch a movie you will look for God to!
So even though Simba calls him a creepy little monkey, he makes a valid point..."The past can hurt but, you either run from it or learn from it."
So that is my daily bible lesson using The Lion King to explain how God/Jesus loves us so much that he would do anything to protect us, he would even die for us. Then He has given us the Holy Spirit to help us and to show us things, to open our eyes and see what is right.
There you go. I hope that I have enriched your life. Maybe the next time you watch a movie you will look for God to!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Short Story....
So this is a short story that I wrote...well the beginning of it...i think that it might be turning into something longer...who knows?
Think for a second. What would you have done in my situation? Waking up in the dark, not being able to see, not knowing how you got there, where there is. There is no way out. I was trapped. I thought I was going to die in there. You would have shot him to. I don't remember where I got the gun. I guess I found it. But you would have done the same thing that I did. Shot him I mean. He was going to kill me. How do I know that? What else is a man that has the keys to the room going to do. What do you mean he could have been there to save me? There's not way. No one was going to find me in there so I know that it was the guy that put me in there. It had to be. I told you, I don't know how I got there. I woke up in there. I told you that to. I couldn't see anything because it was so dark. I have no idea how I found the gun. I just remember having it in my hand and you told me that you can prove that I did, I'm not lying about that. There is no reason to. I told you that I shot him when I walked in here. Why would I make the whole thing up? I'm not. I have no reason to. There is no reason for me to lie to you. Why would I have locked myself in a dark room, then slid the key under the door and knocked myself on the head so hard that I can't remember what happened before then. Yes I remember what happened earlier that day. I can remember that much. Some of it is fuzzy cause it was little stuff but I remember most of it. Tell you? I already told you. I didn't? I remember telling you! Why do I need to tell you again? Why do you need to record it? I will be fine. I don't think that I need to tell you what happened again. Why should I when I already have? I understand that you need to record it but why didn't you do that before, the first time? You didn't think of it? Oh. I am not sure if I can tell it exactly the same. Things seem to fade in and out of focus if I think about it to long. Ok. I will try. I will try my best to make it make sense. Yes I understand that I have to tell the truth. I have no reason to lie to you. I told you that already! Why do you keep repeating yourself? I don't think you need to do that. It is very unneces...oh right I need to tell you again so you can record it. Why do you need to record it? I want to know! Because I want to know! I know that you are not going to use it against me, I just want to know! Please just tell you...ok. There is no use in arguing about it I suppose...no point at all.
It began like any normal day would begin. I got out of bed took a shower and brushed my teeth, ate breakfast. got dressed. Not in that order but kinda in that order. I got up later than normal for some reason. It was ten thirty instead of eight thirty. I didn't have to be to work at the cafe until noon so I was still on time. By the time that I was done with my routine I still had an hour left. I was headed back upstairs when, I saw that there was a letter laying on the floor in front of the front door. That was odd since the mail normally comes at around one, I suppose, I hear the slot and the cat meows and I know that the mail is here. I really do have a cat and he meows every time that the mail slot clangs. I don't remember hearing the cat meow. I don't remember seeing the cat that morning either. I wonder where he was? He must have been upstairs. Anyway, I walked over to the letter and looked at it. Nothing but my name. No return address or stamp. Nothing. Just my name. I turned it over and over making sure I didn't miss anything. I am going to school to be a CSI, so I look at things like that. I found it very peculiar that there was none of the regular writings on this envelope. It was very peculiar. Well not that peculiar, I came to the conclusion that someone I know had slipped it in my slot. So I again began to head up the stairs. I didn't open the letter on the way up. I didn't want to trip. I am so clumsy when it comes to stairs. I fall up, down, sideways. I have to watch my feet go up the stairs so I don't have a fall. I ave been that way since I was little. The klutz of the family. I decided, once I had gotten up stairs that I was going to do something different with my hair since I had so much time on my hands before I had to be to work. The cafe is just down at the end of the street. It is like a five minute walk for me. I love working there. I have worked there for about seven years now. It pays well to. The letter was still in my hand when I walked into bathroom. I set it on the counter and looked in the mirror, then back at the letter. I picked it up and flipped it over to open it. There was some, well, what looked like gold dust around the edges. I thought that was odd and didn't know of any of my friends that could afford envelopes like this, let alone gold dust to put on them. I looked at it for a couple more seconds and then put it down again. Then I began to do my hair. About five minutes into it I realized that it was a lost cause and then picked up the envelope and went back to my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed and opened the letter. The inside of the envelope was a dark burgundy color. I pulled out the letter itself and unfolded it. The writing was in gold and whoever wrote it had excellent penmanship. I looked at it and it began to remind me of something Hannibal Lecter wrote to Clarice. I read it and this is what it said.
I need you to come outside of your home and look up the street. You will find that this will mean something to you if you do not do what I have asked you. There is going to be someone waiting for you, with someone that you know. You are to follow them to the next street and there will be more instructions for you once you reach the next street.
At the time I slumped it off and threw away the letter. I thought that it was some practical joke. Practical joke. Why do they call them that? They never see very practical. Anyway I went back down stairs and got my stuff and headed out the door. I figured that if there was someone waiting for me, that they had moved on seeing that I was not coming out. I had no idea how long the letter had been there. It could have been there since six in the morning for all I know. I began to walk to work. I was watching for people that seemed out of place. I guess that the letter had kinda spooked me in a way. I arrived at work safe and sound. No one was waiting there for me either and no one had been waiting for me on the street. I worked all day without incident as well. No one looking to get me and take me to the next street over form mine. Its funny to think about it in a way. I worked late that night. I had to close the place up that night. I was alone which is not the normal way that my boss does things. He normally has two of us close the store. We get it done faster so we are not there until early morning cleaning up. But the day had been slow and there was not really much to clean up that needed to be done. I was coming in early the next morning to open the cafe so i could finnish before anyone else got there and knew that I had slacked the night before. I put the dishes in the dish washer, grabbed my coat and purse and called it a night. Despite it being a slow day I was tired. I locked up and began the short walk back to my little town home. Nothing funny had happened that day so, I thought I knew now that it had been no more than a joke. I was about to go up my steps when someone struck me from behind. I didn't pass out right away. It starts to get fuzzy here. I remember someone dragging me back down the steps. Then I remember seeing the street that I live on and then I blacked out. The next thing that I know I woke up in this room. I couldn't see anything because it was dark. Very dark. I looked around with my hands trying to find a door. I suppose that is when I found the gun. I guess that when I was running my hands across the floor I found it. I found the door as well. I decided that I would sit on the other side of the room form the door. I didn't want them to be able to find me easily and there was maybe a chance that I could get to the other side of the room before they could find me. Unless they had a flash light or something that would light up the room. There could have been a switch on the outside of the door. I am not sure how long I sat in the room. I think that I fell asleep a couple of times so, I could have been in there for days. I am not sure. All I know is that after I had been in there for some time a man unlocked the door. I heard him turn the lock with a key. No lights came on. It was still dark. I was directly across from the door so, the light from the hall shone in the room and lit up the spot where I was sitting. He began to walk toward me with his arms out like he was going to grab me and hurt me. So I shot him. I am not sure how many times. I just shot till he fell to the ground and didn't move. Then I ran here. That is what I remember.
What do you mean do I know where I am? Of course I do. I am in the police stations in an interrogation room telling you about what happened to me. Someone kidnapped me and I escaped and I am telling you so you can go get them. Of course I know who you are. You are a detective. Yes you are and this is a police station. What do you mean its not? People saw me run in here! They were asking me if I was ok and if I needed help but I just kept running. What do you mean that my story is made up. I am not lying! Well how can it be made up but not a lie. That is what a lie is, a made up story! You know that. Of course you do. There were names in my story. I told you the name of my cat. I did! I remember telling you that his name was...why can't I remember his name? I do to have a cat! I do! I am not lying to you detective. Of course you are a detective and this is a police station interrogation room. Your a doctor? Then why are you talking to me? I need to be talking to a detective. He needs to be taking my story down so he can catch the guy. What do you mean that there is no guy? I know that I shot him but the police need to go back and get him so that they can see if he had help in all of this and they can find all of the clues! I need to speak to a detective. The letter was addressed to me, I really think that I should be telling to this to a detective and not a doctor. No offense. Why do you keep saying that there are no detectives here? This is a police station there are loads of them here! What do you mean that this is a hospital? Why am I in an interrogation room then? This is not an interrogation room? It sure looks like one. If I am in a hospital I need to get to the police. What do you mean I can't go to the police? You don't need to protect me from them. It was self defense and you don't go to jail if it was the only way for you to defend yourself. Well if you are not trying to protect me then why can't I go to the police? It did happen? I have a bump on the back of my head from where he hit me! I did not hit myself! Why would I do that? What do you mean I had a violent outburst? What does the mean? I do not have multiple personalities. I am in perfect health! I have been all of my life. I may be a klutz but that does mean that I have several people living in my head. There were names in my story! I told you the name of the cafe that I work at and the name of my cat and the name of the friend that I thought had written me the letter. Just because you don't remember them does not make me a crazy person! I am calm! Don't tell me to calm down I am calm. If none of this happened, where did I get these bruises? Why do I have these cuts on my arms and my hands? A violent outburst...no, I was attacked! And I need to leave here and get to the police. I killed a man and when they find him I don't want there to be a problem and them not know that it was in self defense. I had no choice. I was in a dark room and I did shoot someone. I did! Stop telling me that I didn't. Let go of me! Don't do that! I am not crazy let me go! I need to get to the poli....stat....they need to take my state....I need to tell them that I did....
(If you need an explanation...uh...feel free to ask...)
Think for a second. What would you have done in my situation? Waking up in the dark, not being able to see, not knowing how you got there, where there is. There is no way out. I was trapped. I thought I was going to die in there. You would have shot him to. I don't remember where I got the gun. I guess I found it. But you would have done the same thing that I did. Shot him I mean. He was going to kill me. How do I know that? What else is a man that has the keys to the room going to do. What do you mean he could have been there to save me? There's not way. No one was going to find me in there so I know that it was the guy that put me in there. It had to be. I told you, I don't know how I got there. I woke up in there. I told you that to. I couldn't see anything because it was so dark. I have no idea how I found the gun. I just remember having it in my hand and you told me that you can prove that I did, I'm not lying about that. There is no reason to. I told you that I shot him when I walked in here. Why would I make the whole thing up? I'm not. I have no reason to. There is no reason for me to lie to you. Why would I have locked myself in a dark room, then slid the key under the door and knocked myself on the head so hard that I can't remember what happened before then. Yes I remember what happened earlier that day. I can remember that much. Some of it is fuzzy cause it was little stuff but I remember most of it. Tell you? I already told you. I didn't? I remember telling you! Why do I need to tell you again? Why do you need to record it? I will be fine. I don't think that I need to tell you what happened again. Why should I when I already have? I understand that you need to record it but why didn't you do that before, the first time? You didn't think of it? Oh. I am not sure if I can tell it exactly the same. Things seem to fade in and out of focus if I think about it to long. Ok. I will try. I will try my best to make it make sense. Yes I understand that I have to tell the truth. I have no reason to lie to you. I told you that already! Why do you keep repeating yourself? I don't think you need to do that. It is very unneces...oh right I need to tell you again so you can record it. Why do you need to record it? I want to know! Because I want to know! I know that you are not going to use it against me, I just want to know! Please just tell you...ok. There is no use in arguing about it I suppose...no point at all.
It began like any normal day would begin. I got out of bed took a shower and brushed my teeth, ate breakfast. got dressed. Not in that order but kinda in that order. I got up later than normal for some reason. It was ten thirty instead of eight thirty. I didn't have to be to work at the cafe until noon so I was still on time. By the time that I was done with my routine I still had an hour left. I was headed back upstairs when, I saw that there was a letter laying on the floor in front of the front door. That was odd since the mail normally comes at around one, I suppose, I hear the slot and the cat meows and I know that the mail is here. I really do have a cat and he meows every time that the mail slot clangs. I don't remember hearing the cat meow. I don't remember seeing the cat that morning either. I wonder where he was? He must have been upstairs. Anyway, I walked over to the letter and looked at it. Nothing but my name. No return address or stamp. Nothing. Just my name. I turned it over and over making sure I didn't miss anything. I am going to school to be a CSI, so I look at things like that. I found it very peculiar that there was none of the regular writings on this envelope. It was very peculiar. Well not that peculiar, I came to the conclusion that someone I know had slipped it in my slot. So I again began to head up the stairs. I didn't open the letter on the way up. I didn't want to trip. I am so clumsy when it comes to stairs. I fall up, down, sideways. I have to watch my feet go up the stairs so I don't have a fall. I ave been that way since I was little. The klutz of the family. I decided, once I had gotten up stairs that I was going to do something different with my hair since I had so much time on my hands before I had to be to work. The cafe is just down at the end of the street. It is like a five minute walk for me. I love working there. I have worked there for about seven years now. It pays well to. The letter was still in my hand when I walked into bathroom. I set it on the counter and looked in the mirror, then back at the letter. I picked it up and flipped it over to open it. There was some, well, what looked like gold dust around the edges. I thought that was odd and didn't know of any of my friends that could afford envelopes like this, let alone gold dust to put on them. I looked at it for a couple more seconds and then put it down again. Then I began to do my hair. About five minutes into it I realized that it was a lost cause and then picked up the envelope and went back to my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed and opened the letter. The inside of the envelope was a dark burgundy color. I pulled out the letter itself and unfolded it. The writing was in gold and whoever wrote it had excellent penmanship. I looked at it and it began to remind me of something Hannibal Lecter wrote to Clarice. I read it and this is what it said.
I need you to come outside of your home and look up the street. You will find that this will mean something to you if you do not do what I have asked you. There is going to be someone waiting for you, with someone that you know. You are to follow them to the next street and there will be more instructions for you once you reach the next street.
At the time I slumped it off and threw away the letter. I thought that it was some practical joke. Practical joke. Why do they call them that? They never see very practical. Anyway I went back down stairs and got my stuff and headed out the door. I figured that if there was someone waiting for me, that they had moved on seeing that I was not coming out. I had no idea how long the letter had been there. It could have been there since six in the morning for all I know. I began to walk to work. I was watching for people that seemed out of place. I guess that the letter had kinda spooked me in a way. I arrived at work safe and sound. No one was waiting there for me either and no one had been waiting for me on the street. I worked all day without incident as well. No one looking to get me and take me to the next street over form mine. Its funny to think about it in a way. I worked late that night. I had to close the place up that night. I was alone which is not the normal way that my boss does things. He normally has two of us close the store. We get it done faster so we are not there until early morning cleaning up. But the day had been slow and there was not really much to clean up that needed to be done. I was coming in early the next morning to open the cafe so i could finnish before anyone else got there and knew that I had slacked the night before. I put the dishes in the dish washer, grabbed my coat and purse and called it a night. Despite it being a slow day I was tired. I locked up and began the short walk back to my little town home. Nothing funny had happened that day so, I thought I knew now that it had been no more than a joke. I was about to go up my steps when someone struck me from behind. I didn't pass out right away. It starts to get fuzzy here. I remember someone dragging me back down the steps. Then I remember seeing the street that I live on and then I blacked out. The next thing that I know I woke up in this room. I couldn't see anything because it was dark. Very dark. I looked around with my hands trying to find a door. I suppose that is when I found the gun. I guess that when I was running my hands across the floor I found it. I found the door as well. I decided that I would sit on the other side of the room form the door. I didn't want them to be able to find me easily and there was maybe a chance that I could get to the other side of the room before they could find me. Unless they had a flash light or something that would light up the room. There could have been a switch on the outside of the door. I am not sure how long I sat in the room. I think that I fell asleep a couple of times so, I could have been in there for days. I am not sure. All I know is that after I had been in there for some time a man unlocked the door. I heard him turn the lock with a key. No lights came on. It was still dark. I was directly across from the door so, the light from the hall shone in the room and lit up the spot where I was sitting. He began to walk toward me with his arms out like he was going to grab me and hurt me. So I shot him. I am not sure how many times. I just shot till he fell to the ground and didn't move. Then I ran here. That is what I remember.
What do you mean do I know where I am? Of course I do. I am in the police stations in an interrogation room telling you about what happened to me. Someone kidnapped me and I escaped and I am telling you so you can go get them. Of course I know who you are. You are a detective. Yes you are and this is a police station. What do you mean its not? People saw me run in here! They were asking me if I was ok and if I needed help but I just kept running. What do you mean that my story is made up. I am not lying! Well how can it be made up but not a lie. That is what a lie is, a made up story! You know that. Of course you do. There were names in my story. I told you the name of my cat. I did! I remember telling you that his name was...why can't I remember his name? I do to have a cat! I do! I am not lying to you detective. Of course you are a detective and this is a police station interrogation room. Your a doctor? Then why are you talking to me? I need to be talking to a detective. He needs to be taking my story down so he can catch the guy. What do you mean that there is no guy? I know that I shot him but the police need to go back and get him so that they can see if he had help in all of this and they can find all of the clues! I need to speak to a detective. The letter was addressed to me, I really think that I should be telling to this to a detective and not a doctor. No offense. Why do you keep saying that there are no detectives here? This is a police station there are loads of them here! What do you mean that this is a hospital? Why am I in an interrogation room then? This is not an interrogation room? It sure looks like one. If I am in a hospital I need to get to the police. What do you mean I can't go to the police? You don't need to protect me from them. It was self defense and you don't go to jail if it was the only way for you to defend yourself. Well if you are not trying to protect me then why can't I go to the police? It did happen? I have a bump on the back of my head from where he hit me! I did not hit myself! Why would I do that? What do you mean I had a violent outburst? What does the mean? I do not have multiple personalities. I am in perfect health! I have been all of my life. I may be a klutz but that does mean that I have several people living in my head. There were names in my story! I told you the name of the cafe that I work at and the name of my cat and the name of the friend that I thought had written me the letter. Just because you don't remember them does not make me a crazy person! I am calm! Don't tell me to calm down I am calm. If none of this happened, where did I get these bruises? Why do I have these cuts on my arms and my hands? A violent outburst...no, I was attacked! And I need to leave here and get to the police. I killed a man and when they find him I don't want there to be a problem and them not know that it was in self defense. I had no choice. I was in a dark room and I did shoot someone. I did! Stop telling me that I didn't. Let go of me! Don't do that! I am not crazy let me go! I need to get to the poli....stat....they need to take my state....I need to tell them that I did....
(If you need an explanation...uh...feel free to ask...)
Friday, July 10, 2009
King Without A Crown - Matisyahu
Zee you're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Say sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till twilight
Said, thank you to my God, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might
[Chorus (2x):]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you now from the essence of my being
And I sing to my God, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time it starts revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you now from the essence of my being
And I sing to my God, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now. ya
Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
Want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want God but you couldn't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
Looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
You try to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Said nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Make room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Make room for his love and a fire gone blaze
[Chorus (2x):]
Yah yah, yah yah yo yah yah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0oHAgfVgiw
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Say sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till twilight
Said, thank you to my God, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might
[Chorus (2x):]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you now from the essence of my being
And I sing to my God, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time it starts revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you now from the essence of my being
And I sing to my God, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now. ya
Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
Want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want God but you couldn't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
Looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
You try to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Said nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Make room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Make room for his love and a fire gone blaze
[Chorus (2x):]
Yah yah, yah yah yo yah yah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0oHAgfVgiw
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