Dear Lord Baby Jesus...

So I have learned as of late that things get hard when you aren't praying or reading your bible. Thigs creep in that you didn't realize were there. I seem to become a little paranoid about some things. I begin to think that God doesn't hear what I say. That he doesn't see me when I cry. That he doesn't feel it when I hurt. That he doesn't care to hear me, care to wipe away my tears and that he doesn't care that I hurt. Well coming off of feeling that way you realize that God is dealing with something inside of you that you have repressed. Thats that conclusion that I have come to anyway. I have so many things that I have repressed and made go away. They really didn't go away. They just sat there and got bigger and meaner and they are ready when I am weak. They rear their ugly heads when I have stopped reading my Bible and spending time with God. They know that if they hit me then that I will not be ready and they can hurt me. And let me tell you they hit you where you are insecure. There are a couple of things in my life right now that I am feeling insecure about. I am sure it is mainly due to lack of good communication but I am not sure and that is where they hit me. My doubt. Making me assume the worst about the good things in my life. The great and wonderful things that have happened to me as of late. There is something that doesn't want me to do these things. Considering that I need my car to do them, my car has been temporarialy put out of order. First I got in a accident...easily fixed. Thanks pop!! Then yesterday my transmission began to slip and has been for awhile apparently. Without a car, I can't work. Without a car, I can't go anywhere. Well I flipped yesterday. I cried harder than I have cried in a long time and just needed someone to hug me and hold me and tell me that it was going to be ok. Of course anyone that would do that for me happens to not be in this country right now. But I really love my mommy so I called her yesterday and told her what happened and she told me that she would have my step-dad call and put the inssurance on their car so that I can use it until they get here. I know right!! I really love my mom. She is pretty great. Now I can work and go do the things that i want to do!! I was so happy and I cried even harder. But there are still other things that need to be taken care of and I intend to do that but while I am reading my bible and walking with God. Cause we all know that I trip a lot over flat surfaces but without him I would fall flat on my face every time I tripped.