Becoming Gideon

Ok so this whole changing thing is something that I really don't get and I feel like I am falling back into what I used to be. All I really can "sense or feel" of this change is that I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I have begun to feel like the cat from Pinocchio. Not the original story but the one from the movie who so happens to be named Gideon. This cat is a moron. He is a mute and he is crafty but most of the time he just does stupid things that the fox "Honest" John tells him to do and he does not do it well. Like when he is supposed to get Pinocchio to play hooky from school...he tries to beat him with a mallet to make him go the right way...really? He falls all over himself and has the hiccups all the time. Moron. Now I am not a moron and I am obviously not a mute. But when you don't know what to say to anyone for a week straight you begin to feel like a moron. When you don't know how to explain how you are feeling at that moment and it is clear that something is wrong but you can't voice it, you begin to feel like a mute. When someone asks you why you are crying and all you can says is i don't know you begin to feel like a moron because you know perfectly well why you are crying you just become a mute. Changing into something new or finally realizing and becoming what you are supposed to be is hard. You have no idea what is happening to you and you begin to feel like a moron and a mute. You can't comprehend anything and you can't voice anything either. Things just don't seem to make sense and the fact that you have no one close by that you feel comfortable talking to makes things even more difficult. Maybe God is making me rely on Him for once instead of my support system that I keep around me. So I am going to rely on God and trust that this change is for the best but I do not like feeling like a moronic, mute cat.